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Thursday, December 2, 2010
You've seen these guys a hundred times, but I bet you can't name one of them... until now.
William FichtnerYou might have missed him in: Malcolm X, as "Cop at Harlem station"
To Me, He'll Always Be: the creepy alien sheriff in the short-lived ABC suckfest, Invasion
A poor man's... Kevin Bacon
Joaquim de AlmeidaYou might have missed him in: Everything he's ever done except 24 or Clear And Present Danger
To Me, He'll Always Be: the bad guy in Clear And Present Danger
A poor man's... Al Pacino with an accent, minus all the yelling
J.K. SimmonsYou might have missed him in: The Dale Earnhardt Story
To Me, He'll Always Be: sadistic neo-Nazi Vern Schillinger in Oz, who burned a swastika into poor Lee Tergesen's butt cheeks
A poor man's... Ed Harris, sans flannel
Noah EmmerichYou might have missed him in: If Someone Had Known, starring Kellie Martin. Tuesday night at 9 on Lifetime.
To Me, He'll Always Be: Jim Carrey's fake friend in The Truman Show
A poor man's... chemically burned Jon Favreau (and a cinch to make the next installment of my Celebrity Skin Club)
Stephen TobolowskiYou might have missed him in: Alien Fury: Countdown to Invasion
To Me, He'll Always Be: Ned Ryerson, insurance salesman and punching bag for Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
A poor man's... William H. Macy
James CromwellWhere You've Seen Him: Where haven't you?
You might have missed him in: Birth Of A Nation (1915), as Lillian Gish's grandpa
To Me, He'll Always Be: Archie's co-worker Stretch Cunningham on All In The Family
A poor man's... James Cromwell
J.T. WalshWhere You've Seen Him: nowhere lately; he died in 1998. Before that he was in Pleasantville, Good Morning Vietnam, Narrow Margin, A Few Good Men, Breakdown, and more.
You might have missed him in: anything since 1998
To Me, He'll Always Be: Carl's creepy friend in the nervous hospital in Sling Blade.
A poor man's... evil Beau Bridges
Danny TrejoWhere You've Seen Him Heat, Con Air, Desperado, Machete
You might have missed him in: From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter
To Me, He'll Always Be: fuckin' scary
A poor man's... Manuel Noriega
David MorseWhere You've Seen Him: St. Elsewhere, 12 Monkeys, The Rock, The Green Mile
You might have missed him in: The Hugh Grant thriller, Extreme Measures
To Me, He'll Always Be: Jodie Foster's dad in Contact ("Small moves, Sparks. Small moves.")
A poor man's... Russell Crowe
Richard JenkinsWhere You've Seen Him: Me, Myself & Irene; Intolerable Cruelty; There's Something About Mary
You might have missed him in: Blue Steel, but I didn't, because that's my favorite Ron Silver movie ever (not really, I hate that movie, but I told Ron Silver himself in a bar in Toronto that I loved it. I was lying. And a wee bit lit.)
To Me, He'll Always Be: Nathaniel Fisher, Sr. in Six Feet Under, getting flattened by a city bus in the very first episode. Luckily for him, the show featured ghosts.
A poor man's... Tommy Lee Jones
Tom WilkinsonWhere You've Seen Him: Batman Begins, Michael Clayton, Rush Hour, Shakespeare In Love, In The Bedroom
You might have missed him in: The Ghost And The Darkness, which also describes the theaters where that movie played.
To Me, He'll Always Be: Dr. Mierzwiak, founder of Lacuna Corp. in Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
A poor man's... Jon Voight
John C. ReillyWhere You've Seen Him: Talladega Nights, Magnolia, For The Love Of The Game, Chicago
You might have missed him in: The short-lived TV series Martial Law, co-starring Arsenio Hall, and created by Lost co-exec producer, Carlton Cuse.
To Me, He'll Always Be: Reed Rothchild, a.k.a. Chest Rockwell, in Boogie Nights
A poor man's... Will Farrell
Keith DavidWhere You've Seen Him: There's Something About Mary, ATL, Barbershop, Men At Work, Dead Presidents
You might have missed him in: Disco Godfather
To Me, He'll Always Be: Charlie Sheen's squad mate in Platoon
A poor man's... Louis Gossett, Jr.
Lane SmithWhere You've Seen Him: As the prosecutor in My Cousin Vinny
You might have missed him in: The Mighty Ducks, Lois & Clark, Son In Law, The Legend of Bagger Vance and a bunch of other shit nobody watched
To Me, He'll Always Be: Roy Hamlin in Hart To Hart. Ok, not really. I saw that on IMdb.
A poor man's... Gene Hackman with better hair
Peter StormareWhere You've Seen Him: Fargo, Prison Break, Constantine (as Beelzebub), Minority Report
You might have missed him in: Larmar Och Gor Sig Till (Sweden's Maid in Manhattan)
To Me, He'll Always Be: "So I guess that's your partner there in the wood chipper, eh?"
A poor man's... Eurotrash Bruce Willish
Philip Baker HallWhere You've Seen Him: Every movie or TV show you've ever watched in your entire life
You might have missed him in: Every movie or TV show you haven't watched in your entire life
To Me, He'll Always Be: Videotape advocate Floyd Gondolli in Boogie Nights
A poor man's... Michael Caine, American version
Zeljko IvanekWhere You've Seen Him: Oz, 24, CSI, Law & Order, Cold Case, and every other law-enforcement show ever made.
You might have missed him in: Lost, as Juliet's husband, in only two scenes before he catches a bus without waiting for it to stop.
To Me, He'll Always Be: something unpronounceable
A poor man's... Pezqvlbluw Klpaxnblzela
Will PattonWhere You've Seen Him: Armageddon, The Client, The Mothman Prophecies, The Rapture
You might have missed him in: Road House 2: Last Call
To Me, He'll Always Be: Scott Pritchard, psychotic fop/chief of staff to Gene Hackman's Secretary of Defense in No Way Out
A poor man's... John Malkovich
William SandersonYou might have missed him in: Man's Best Friend with Ally Sheedy
To Me, He'll Always Be: Larry (of Larry, Darryl and Darryl) in Newhart.
A poor man's... Marlon Brando
Here are some fine additions from my boy, Aries:
Daniel SternYou might have missed him in: "The Wonder Years," as the voice of the grown-up Kevin Arnold.
To Me, He'll Always Be: The Rom Com Buddy in the otherwise forgetful Key Exchange
A poor man's... Bachelor Party-era Tom Hanks.
Al LeongWhere You've Seen Him: Die Hard, She's Having a Baby, Lethal Weapon, and any other movie that requires an Asian kung fu master with long hair and a funky 'stache
You might have missed him in: Big Trouble in Little China, as a murderous Wing Kong in the alley
To Me, He'll Always Be: Genghis Khan, in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
A poor man's... Genghis Khan.
Robert DaviWhere You've Seen Him: Die Hard, Stargate Atlantis, a ton of shitty films
You might have missed him in: The Hot Chick, which is probably good for both of you.
To Me, He'll Always Be: Frank Sanchez, baddie extraordinare in the Bond flick Licence to Kill
A poor man's... Joaquim de Almeida.
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